Number 19 of 52 Lifelong Communication Lessons: When sorry is not enough
May 11, 2015 |
| Julian Assange, Editor-in-Chief, WikiLeaks |
The year was 2010.
A massive earthquake rocks Haiti, WikiLeaks releases thousands of secret military files and diplomatic cables, and J.D. Salinger dies at age 91. Locally, Vancouver hosts the XXI Winter Olympics.
We
were doing workshops with a First Nations organization that year. As with any
group, there is always a learn curve to understand the culture and human
dynamics. With this organization, the learning style was “on the spot/go with the flow". They did not seem interested in sharing much about how we might tailor
our session and just advised they would let us know as things unfolded.
And,
things did unfold. There were some highly emotive moments and we started to get
a sense of the deeply rooted communication challenges. The work felt good. We
felt doubly good when the participants expressed their pleasure by raising and
motioning their arms toward us, a big honour. Little by little, they were
letting us understand them better.
In
one of the sessions, we had a sense something else was happening
that day. There was a buzz of activity and a few quiet interruptions to our
session. Just as the lunch break was about to begin, the leader mentioned other
people would be coming in during the break for a few minutes. I asked if we
should leave but they said it would be fine for us to stay. What happened next
was one of the finest moments in communication I have ever witnessed.
First, everyone gave self-introductions by their First Nations name. We had not heard those names prior. The guests
included two people from the same organization and two people from a
“partnering” organization. We quickly gathered one of the people from the
partner group had done something insulting and was
there to apologize. We were advised they had already been through a blanket
ceremony (a way to demonstrate respect for an individual) with staff in the organization and now were here to
apologize face to face with the leadership team. Everyone, except us, obviously
knew about the faux pas.
The
apologizer looked embarrassed and humbled. Once the apology was stated, it was
accepted with grace. There did not appear to be any residual negative feelings
by any of the parties involved.
We
were gob smacked. I had never seen an apology like this. It definitely had an impact. I doubt that person would ever repeat their error. It made me wonder
what our world would be like if such a public process was a common ritual for apologies.
Lessons Learned:
- Accept
apologies with grace; it has a lasting impression.
- Be
an avid observer of great communication moments and share them.
- Forgiveness is powerful.
Fast Forward to 2015:
Would an apology like this from Justine Sacco make us feel better about her and her inappropriate tweet?
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