We all say things we regret. It is highly unlikely we can get through life without a few snarky or angry moments. There are two things we need to do in these circumstances. First, we should understand what made us lose control. As I have mentioned in earlier posts, learning how to deconstruct is critical. Some of my temper is genetic (thanks, Dad) and other aspects are related to my being protective of my loved ones and not being in control. Hormones also have a direct correlation to my saneness and sense of calm.

The next, most important, communication step is to “rebuild.” Take ownership of the problem and either apologize or at minimum, try to put the evil moment behind you. In the case of my doc, I called back the next day to apologize for losing my temper but not necessarily for the misunderstanding as I think that was in her bailiwick. Whatever the case, I was willing to move on and so was she. When I thought the situation through I realized how stressed she was and it made me look at her as a person and not just as my doctor. We often place expectations on people due to their profession. Since when can’t a doctor have a bad day, just like you and I?

I have had a couple of falling-outs over the years that I could not turn around or rebuild — two that I could not turn around before the people involved died. Devastating and definitely something I don’t want to repeat. In one case, I got a note from the widow saying my friend regretted the absence of our friendship over the last years. I made a promise to myself to not let that happen again.

From my many years in crisis communication, I learned that what’s important is not the situation itself, but what you do about it. Even if you are not at fault, you can make it right.

My suggestion for this week is that you find a way to make amends with someone where there has been a harsh word or unhappy ending. Send a note, pick up the phone or drop an email. Don’t ask for anything — just express your sadness or regret over the situation. And please let me know if something good comes of it.

Next week, The Silent Question: Do You Have Special Needs?