Dining with Della: Mike Danks at Raglan's Bistro
May 30, 2016
We did a media training session for this group last year and were blown away by their commitment. They keep fit, update their skills and spread their messages of safety, while holding no judgement about the people they save.
Mike and I met up at Raglan's, a comfy, funky little spot on the North Shore. The energetic server dances to the music as she bops around spreading her cheerful disposition without reserve. She knows Mike and quickly offers to make him up a special healthy drink of beets and greens. A neighbourhood spot that is obviously popular on that side of the bridge.
Mike is a family man to the hilt. He had been folding laundry with his three daughters (aged 3, 7 and 9) before we met up. The Danks are a busy bunch. Mike has his regular job as a firefighter, his wife runs two daycare centers and they have two guinea pigs and a dog. Reinforces the old adage... if you need something done, ask a busy person.
What worked... What did not work...
What one bit of communication impacted your life?
Mike answered questions one and two together. His communication situation that did not work, led him to the lessons that impacted him deeply.
The scenario involved a friend with an addiction. Being uncomfortable with the problem, Mike distanced himself. He felt it was a way of telling the friend it was not okay. Others in their circle confronted the person with the addiction and tried to help in various ways. Mike avoided the conflict completely. The individual got better and then relapsed. Afterward, he wrote a two page letter and thanked each person who tried to help him. Of course, Mike's name was not mentioned. He realized then what a disservice it was to his friend and to himself for not going the extra mile to try to help. No matter how awkward the situation, this was a friend.
Building off this sad experience, Mike took a leadership course that included conflict resolution. Confronting difficult situations became part of his learning, particularly with another specific encounter. This time the person involved was extremely outspoken. Mike disagreed on a point and it turned into an email battle of words. Other people were involved and it was messy. After months of wrangling, both swallowed their pride and resolved their issue. Ultimately, they respected each other for their conviction. Mike stressed the need to gulp down that pride and stand in the other person's shoes to try to understand his perspective.
At one point, he was about to make a decision that could have impacted the community negatively. Quickly, he knew that was not the right decision. The big lesson for him was to actively listen and not just react.
These two situations were a real eye opener for Mike. He has seen how background conversations and misinformation or avoiding conflict can have major negative impacts.
From his perspective, integrity and transparency are his focus. He wants people to talk to him candidly and he is now reaching out more to others. Mike's mentor's style was to "kick his ass" and while that worked for him, Mike is taking a different approach. He no longer emails with sensitive issues, he sits down face to face. After some of the tragic events his team deals with, he follows up later with team members to see how they are coping. He has learned being vulnerable and talking about feelings is okay.
What if...
What advice would you give to your younger self to enhance your ability to communicate with others – and why?
Mike avoided the political side of matters in his younger days. He would tell his younger self to step up and get more involved. He gets it now and knows what it takes to support the team and the organization. He now tackles the tough political situations head on.
The other message he has is about time management and making time for family, something he values highly. He looks at life through many lenses, his own motivations and those of others. Whether that is with his wife, kids, friends or work colleagues, he focuses on seeing the world from all perspectives.
(Note from Della: Since doing this interview with Mike just over a week ago, North Shore Rescue has recovered the body of a young British man who went missing in 2013 - they spent over 2,000 hours searching for him. Mike talks passionately about how important recovery is for families. I think we can all relate. They also did two more rescues yesterday. One of the duo of lost hikers thought they were following their footprints out but were following bear tracks!)
Posts
0 comments