Number 34 of 52 Compelling Communicators: Ingrid Bens
August 26, 2013
I have never met this woman but she has played a big role in helping me be a better communicator and facilitator. Ingrid has written two books, Facilitating with Ease and Advanced Facilitation Strategies, that are packed with salient tools and practical advice for virtually any situation. She includes a disc in each book so you can print off helpful forms and work sheets such as the “decision options chart” that shows the pros and cons of everything from multi-voting to consensus building. My books are dog eared, marked up and tagged with sticky notes. The books cost around $40 for the e-versions and around $50 for the paper styles. Best little investment I ever made on training or literature related to facilitating.
Professional facilitators are hired for important business meetings but the principles of good facilitation apply to everyday life – on the job and elsewhere.
One of the
things I read in the first 10 pages of her book rang so true; it compelled me
to read on.
“In contrast to the old notion of
leadership, in which the leader was viewed as the most important person at the
table, a facilitator puts the members first.”
While there is a
need for leadership in the workplace and at home, two (or more) heads are often
better than one and “facilitating” a good discussion can net great results.
Ms. Bens lists the things you must firmly believe as a facilitator:
- People are intelligent, capable and want to do the right thing
- Groups can make better decisions than any one person can make alone
- Everyone’s opinion is of equal value, regardless of rank or position
- People are more committed to ideas and plans that they have helped to create
- Participants can and will act responsible in assuming true accountability for their decisions
- Groups can manage their own conflicts, behaviours and relationships if they are given the right tools and training
- The process, if well designed and honestly applied, can be trusted to achieve results
Think of these principles in a context where you are faced with a difficult situation. Play forward in your mind how these beliefs could help generate a positive outcome.
I remember
telling a high profile politician that he made it look like he did not trust
his Cabinet as he was always usurping their limelight. While visibly angry with
my critical voice, he flatly stated he did not think they could deliver the
messages as well as he. He eventually was forced to resign after a surprising
dumb move. I bet he made that decision all by himself.
Ingrid’s books
are loaded with gems. Here is one of my favourites:
Facilitating should be an egoless activity. The purpose is to make the group succeed, not to make you look really important and clever. An effective facilitator will leave a group convinced that “We did it ourselves!”
Facilitating should be an egoless activity. The purpose is to make the group succeed, not to make you look really important and clever. An effective facilitator will leave a group convinced that “We did it ourselves!”
Seeing a group
get to this conclusion is the best high you can imagine. Take the same approach
to a family situation where the people involved commit to a new way of
interacting and everyone buys in. Wouldn’t that be rewarding.
Ingrid has
entire sections devoted to virtually every scenario you can think of from
sarcasm to cynicism and side trackers. One of my faves is the Positional Debate
– “I’m right; you’re wrong!” Who has not faced this one before?
As Ingrid points
out – most of the dysfunctional behaviours people exhibit in polarized
discussions will disappear when you provide more structure and facilitate
assertively.
Here is a
smidgen of her intervention strategies – repackaged for brevity here:
- Put out specific questions at the beginning for managing the conflict:
- What can we do to make sure people really listen to and understand each other’s points?
- What should we do if people start to get emotional?
- What language is okay/not okay when discussing differences of opinion?
Then, obtain
more power for yourself by asking:
- If discussions become argumentative or overly heated, what is okay for me to say or do?
If possible,
reframe the conflict as an issue or need, then use a systematic “solving”
approach to get people working together to analyze the situation and brainstorm
joint solutions.
If that does not
work and you cannot avoid the debate about the two solutions you can get into a
pros and cons discussion or more sophisticated “Criteria-Based Decision Grid”.
If you need the grid you should buy the book.
She also has a
three-step intervention model:
- I’m noticing that people are speaking over each other. (In my sessions, I insist they stop)
- I’m concerned you aren’t hearing each other’s ideas. (I am a bit more directive and stress the importance of listening before responding – take note of your point so you don’t lose it but listen with intention)
- From now on, don’t counter until you’ve summarized the other person’s point. (In my experience this one is a last resort but a good one)
Thinking of
yourself as a facilitator in emotional situations puts you in a completely
different mode. It may not always work but if you want different outcomes in challenging situations hop on the Ingrid bandwagon and see what happens.
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