As I was working my way through the marketing and communications world I faithfully followed the readings of two men, Jack Trout and Al Ries. These gents were early gurus in understanding what makes people tick and how to motivate people to buy a product or service. In the years that I worked at an ad agency, I was often considered the value-add public relations component, not a main player. Like the mound of vegetables next to the steak — never the sizzle but good for you and something needed to keep them healthy and out of trouble. Then, in 2002 Al Ries wrote a book with his wife Laura called “The Fall of Advertising and the Rise of PR.” I don’t think it was ever a big seller as mainstream media of the day would not have wanted to promote such a concept. Fast-forward to today and how the traditional advertising world has changed in the last decade and the Ries couple were definitely on to something.

What stuck for me from that book was the analogy they drew to one of Aesop’s fables about the sun and the wind having a debate over who was the stronger of the two. The story is about a traveler walking down a road who becomes the target of debate by the sun and wind to see who could get him to take off his coat. The wind goes first and the harder it blows, the more the traveler hangs on to his coat. Then the sun comes out and begins to shine. The traveler warms up and off comes the coat and the sun wins. Advertising they compared to the wind, trying to push something at you and you resisting. Public relations was the sun, warming you up so you do what they want. The best comparison I have ever read. Seeing what has transpired in the many Internet-heavy years since, I am more convinced than ever we need to think of the sunshine tale when we want to motivate others.

We are all selling something, even if it is just an idea or way of life. I can’t force you to buy purely through advertising; today I have to give you something of value, connect with you and listen to your needs. Hallelujah! This has to be the best of times for professional communicators. And, we can use this method in our everyday lives. Think about the times you have tried to move someone to your vision of how things should be and what has worked or not worked. Remember the old saying that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If you are confrontational and in the face of someone trying to convince them to listen, of course they back away. It is a natural instinct.* Try these two sunny approaches next time you want to sway someone and see what happens.

Sunny approach one:

Always start with something positive, even if the only thing you can offer is the value of that person’s opinion to you. The best speakers connect directly with their audience fast. If you want to see this in action, follow Lady Gaga on Twitter or watch her Monster Ball Concert. She is the sunshine story incorporated. She makes her “little monsters” feel so special.

Sunny approach two:

Find out more about what they care about. Ask questions and listen intently to the answers. Then, share your idea slowly, getting feedback as you go. Don’t confront; it defeats your purpose and makes people want to push back. In the classic book the Art of War by Sun Tsu, the ancient military strategist said you have to give the enemy an out. Don’t try to force your ideas, let people come to understand them through a warm, inviting process.

*Our natural instinct is to move away from anything confrontational. Darwin studied this by placing his face against the glass of the cage of a puff adder, one of Africa’s most dangerous snakes. Even though he knew the snake could not get to him, his reflexes made him jump back every time it struck.

From these sunny thoughts. we go on to Rules That Will Kill Ya.