The phrase has a somewhat contentious origin: some attribute it to Ecclesiastes 10:20: “Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say.” Others believe that it originates from the Dutch saying Er lif t'el baerd: “I should betray another.” A third explanation is a simple allusion to carrier pigeons or other such messenger birds.

Whatever its start, that is one bad little bird. Rumour mongering is a fishing expedition to see if there is any truth to circulating gossip. I expect most of us succumb to trading in this form of communication from time to time.

I read in a psychology publication that it is human nature to discuss rumours as a way for groups of people to make sense of things. I can see that happening in disasters or other crisis moments but as far as everyday life, I am not so sure that is the motivation.

Here are some thoughts about dealing with this question type and some general advice to consider.

If you get asked about a rumour and you are not prepared to answer it, flatly state you do not deal in rumours but quickly move on to what you are willing to talk about. Example: “Have you heard that our neighbour, Bob, is having an affair?” Response: “I don’t subscribe to rumours about anybody and even if he is, it is not my business. What I would like to talk about is the possibility of a group garage sale on our street.” I would not make someone feel bad for spreading rumours but this type of reply results in one of two things. Either they respect you and stop relaying rumours like this (at least to you) or they will think you are having an affair with Bob and that is why you shut down the conversation.

Here are four other things to contemplate when it comes to rumours:

1. Call the person in question and ask him directly, but only if it something that impacts you. I have called people in business when rumours have circulated about things that might harm their business just to give them a heads-up. I don’t reveal sources but just let the person know so they can do damage control. Don’t call them if it will just be hurtful.

2. Think about how you would feel if that rumour were circulating about you or your family. Even if there is no way it could be true, rumours are just that until there is proof.

3. Only spread good rumours. I’ve heard Sue is doing so well since her divorce. She has a great new job, is happy and has a new love in her love. Isn’t that fantastic!

4. Imagine the person about whom you are about to rumour-monger and picture him listening and how he would feel.

I have a friend of a friend who is famous for finding joy in other people’s successes or achievements. It makes her uber-special and highly regarded to my pal. If someone talks positively about others, you have a hope they do that about you. And, if someone does not? Hmm.

They say that information is power. I believe that being confidential is all-powerful. When people can trust what they say is held in confidence, that is the ultimate sign of mutual respect.

What do you think?

Next post we will get into the Loaded Question, the toughest type of question to manage effectively.