Deconstructing with Della: A Tribute to the Celebrant
May 22, 2017 |
| "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?" - Clarence the angel from the Christmas classic, It's a Wonderful Life |
I attended the funeral of the matriarch of a family last week. While I did not know this woman well, I am privileged to be as close as family to her daughter, son in law and granddaughters.
The service was held graveside and officiated by a celebrant. This gentle man told the family he would not do a eulogy but rather a tribute to the woman who passed. I loved his words, his compassion and the way he presented her life. I have attended a few funerals and rarely have been impressed with the sermons from priests or members of the clergy. Usually they are sanctimonious and more about the pomp and ceremony than the person who has deceased. In one catholic service, the priest got the person's name wrong and she had donated time and a ton of money to his church!
This celebrant reminded me of Clarance, the angel from the Christmas classic, It's a Wonderful Life. He was sweet, soft spoken and genuine. When I deconstruct why his communication was so great, the biggest factor was his sincerity. He did not pretend to know more than what the family had shared. He also connected to everyone by sharing his own personal understanding of the woman's disease, Alzheimer's. He did little things like look up her birth town on Google to see exactly where it was and how many people lived there now.
This celebrant reminded me of Clarance, the angel from the Christmas classic, It's a Wonderful Life. He was sweet, soft spoken and genuine. When I deconstruct why his communication was so great, the biggest factor was his sincerity. He did not pretend to know more than what the family had shared. He also connected to everyone by sharing his own personal understanding of the woman's disease, Alzheimer's. He did little things like look up her birth town on Google to see exactly where it was and how many people lived there now.
He also told a story to give comfort to the attendees no matter what their personal beliefs about an afterlife. It was a tale about twins in a mother's womb with one fearful about leaving their warm, comfortable world for fear of what might be on the outside. Of course, the happy ending comes when a whole new world is discovered. A tender way to think of someone moving on beyond this life we know.
The family had created a beautiful memorial card with an Alzheimer's poem on the back. The celebrant forgot to bring it to the graveside so he insisted we all regroup again at the reception to hear it. In my tribute to the celebrant, I repeat the poem here for anyone who has a loved one with Alzheimer's:
Do Not Ask Me to Remember
by Owen Darnell
Do not ask me to remember,
Don’t try to make me understand,
Let me rest and know you’re with me,
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I’m confused beyond your concept,
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me,
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can’t help the way I’m acting,
Can’t be different though I try.
Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone,
Please don’t fail to stand beside me,
Love me ’til my life is done.
Posts
0 comments