Deconstructing with Della: Do you have a pillow pact?
March 13, 2017 |
| Driving Miss Daisy (1989) |
Telling
someone they have passed their best before date ranks high on the list of
communication challenges. Thankfully, I have never had to do that and never
really thought about it until I heard a presentation by Dr. Glenn Regehr, PhD, Associate Director,
Research, Senior Scientist UBC
Centre for Health Education Research. He has co-authored over 200 peer reviewed
papers on a range of topics including authentic clinical assessment,
professionalism, professional identity construction, self assessment and feedback.
Glenn studies how people self assess. His research and data is startling. How
people view themselves can be far from reality.
His exhaustive date shows that for
any given skill, 25% of us are in the bottom quartile of performance. Those of
us who are in the bottom 25% think we are above average. Those most in need of
improvement are those least likely to know. Yikes! He quotes from a paper by Kruger
& Dunning (1999): “Unskilled and unaware” - The skills required to know whether you are
performing well are also the skills required to actually perform well.
With an
aging population of baby boomers, we may be in for some trouble if we don’t find
ways to talk about diminishing mental and physical capabilities. When Glenn
started his presentation he mentioned having a pillow pact with two trusted
colleagues. At any time, they could come to him and say it was time to hang up
his hat. No explanation needed. I thought it was a brilliant idea and now have
that pact with my associate. I hope it will be a long, long time before she
enacts our pillow agreement.
Talking
about difficult subjects is often left to doctors who may not witness
decreasing capabilities as much as a family member or coworker. It gets more
than awkward to tell someone when they should consider retiring, stop driving
or let someone else manage their financial affairs. I remember when my dad lost
his right to drive, he was furious. He still thought he was okay. He was not.
Glenn
asks the question about driving in his presentations. Hands up anyone who
thinks they are a bad driver. No hand is raised. When someone does self assess
low, they are often somewhat depressed as that reality is not so pleasant. The
rest of us who think we are better than we are can be blissfully driving around
creating havoc. One of my elderly neighbours, after having a few fender benders,
drove right over the parking medium in our building into a cement wall. She
thought there was something wrong with her car. Her daughter had to have the
“talk” with her. We are all grateful she no longer drives.
Perhaps
in earlier eras, our cognitive decline was not as dangerous. Now, as we all
drive vehicles, operate machinery and are making decisions as professionals, we
could cause great harm. If we self assess high when we are capable, imagine
what we will think as our little grey cells get mushy.
I doubt
we could create a good script for telling someone they are no longer competent.
Agreeing to a pillow pact might be the easiest solution.
You gotta know when to fold em. Think about setting up a pillow pact with someone you trust. It could save you from embarrassment or something much worse.
You gotta know when to fold em. Think about setting up a pillow pact with someone you trust. It could save you from embarrassment or something much worse.
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