Dining with Della: Alison Higgins at Nicli Antica Pizzeria
August 01, 2016
Her jewelry is classy, unique and hip, exactly like her. Her jewellery pieces are crafted with precision and love. She packages her work in a way the recipient feels special and honoured to own the precious piece. She picks up vintage bits and bops from New York and Paris - of course! I rarely give a plug in my blog but could not resist directing my readers to Etsy to check out her work.
Throughout the years, she has also been busy tending to the three men in her life, her husband Marcel and two bright and active sons.
We shared a pizza at Nicili on Cordova. The sleek, stylish Neapolitan pizzeria never disappoints. Mmmm, I can still smell the fresh basil.
What one bit of communication impacted your life?
Alison mentions a time when she had a boss skilled at dealing with interpersonal issues head on. Alison's aversion to confrontation was front and centre. Two of her colleagues were causing lots of grief and it was affecting her day to day work.
When she went to her boss to raise the concern, she was taken aback when the resolution was to get all three people in the room to talk it out. The boss facilitated the discussion and the issue was resolved. She said it felt a bit like marriage counselling. The candid exchange resulted in an ongoing improved working relationship of mutual respect.
Funny, she cannot remember the issue or the specific people involved, only the solution.
You will see by other stories in the blog, Alison carried the lesson forward in her personal life.
What did not work...
Alison relays this next story about something that did not work because of emotions and letting frustration colour the message.
(Note from Della: Alison's frustration seemed well deserved yet her sense of fair play always ranks high. She was careful to share this story so it would not "out" the individual involved - always keeping it classy, Higgs!)
As a proud mom of two smart guys, who inherited the brain horsepower of their dad (and their mom, I might add). Alison notes that kind of intellect comes with challenges. As Alison says when you are at the high end of the intelligence spectrum, it creates some difficulties in the school system.
(Note from Della: Even without the high-end intelligence, the school system can be frustrating for those of us who don't fit the mold... just sayin')
Anyway, Alison's younger son had some of those challenges so they created an IEP, Individual Education Plan for him. (Note from Della: I wish they had those in my day!) Alison had taken a proactive role as an advocate for her son, with mostly positively reaction from teachers. Respectful of the teacher's role in today's system of large classrooms and the range of student needs, she was eager to make it better for them. Sharing her insights and ideas to make the learning process easier and more effective was her only goal. Being in the comms business, she was strategic in her approach.
Then came the Grade 12 teacher who seemed more interested in the reputation of his program versus helping her son. The teacher was dropping the ball and it could have quite an impact on her son's future. After much effort, the issue finally came to a head - spring break was coming and the need for action was immediate. She crafted a carefully worded email, as only a great writer can, but her emotion and frustration was evident. She did not feel heard.
(Note from Della: The guy sounded like an egotistical jerk - my words, not hers)
The teacher reacted strongly and said he did not appreciate coming getting an "ambush" email.
Priding herself on the ability to get her message across, the whole process felt bad to her. She ended up doing the task the teacher should have done, so it would not hinder her son's future opportunities, but it felt wrong.
For the first time in 12 years, her careful communication had not worked. She regrets coming to blows with the teacher. Upon reflection, she has mixed feelings about it. Maybe it was good to relay her frustration. It showed she was human. The teacher later admitted he dropped the ball. I guess he was human too. BTW, her son got an A.
(Note from Della: I must really be human as I doubt I could be as gracious as Alison through this process. Thank goodness I did not have children)
What if...
What advice would you give to your younger self to enhance your ability to communicate with others – and why?
Ever thoughtful, Alison would tell her younger self to not assume you know where the other person is coming from. What you hear isn't necessarily what they are saying. People have different perspectives and different speeds for processing information. Our upbringing stays with us forever and impacts how we give and receive messages. Those perspectives are deep within us.
(Note from Della: Ain't that the truth Alison. If we could all be inside each other's heads for a day, the world would be a much better place. Take note, Donald Trump!)
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1 comments
Della, fondly remembering those days with you and Alison at PJ! :)
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