Dining with Della: Marlon Flores at Juniper
February 01, 2016
Marlon Flores has been my accountant and friend since 1999. We met up for Happy Hour at Juniper, a new lounge/restaurant in Chinatown.
When we started this blog interview, I asked Marlon to share his life story in context. Over the years, we had snippets of conversations about his sojourn from El Salvador to Mexico to Canada but I never heard it all in sequence... and I never heard all of it.
As he told his tale, I realized this blog post would take on a different shape. The lessons shared from his challenging beginnings were insightful. His story was particularly poignant given the current influx of refugees from Syria. You see, Marlon was also a refugee from the war torn country of his birth, El Salvador.
He had a tumultuous childhood starting at the age of five. Along with his brother and sister, he was sent to an orphanage and stayed there for two years. His parents, not able to care for them, and ailing paternal grandparents made for a shaky start. At seven, he was housed with his maternal grandmother who was raising eight young children on her own. His grandmother had her own life disappointments leaving her emotionless, bitter and quick to react with physical punishment. He and his siblings were left without much supervision, impacting their school work. I could see the heartbreak of a young child in his eyes. Needless to say, his anger was growing.
At the same time, there was massive civil unrest in the country. Government oppression was rampant. Trade unions were protesting. Marlon was seeing people murdered. He described it as a cesspool of violent actions. The local archbishop was publicly killed. Marlon's anger was growing. He was indignant and frustrated about how his life was unfolding. He was peripherally involved with the resistance movement. Two of his friends were killed. It is hard to fathom how any of us might cope after witnessing such horrific scenes. As he stoically shared the details, I could feel my throat tighten and tears well up.
At 15, his father, concerned about Marlon's path, sent him off to live with an Aunt in Mexico. There, he was basically left to fend for himself. He worked as a dishwasher and other mind numbing jobs. It was not long before he was drinking, smoking dope and hanging around with other frustrated and unhappy people. He wanted to help the people from home and did what he could to support their efforts. He went to College, but his heart and efforts were still with the Homefront. His angst kept growing.
In the seven years of working to aid his fellow citizens, he learned that people often start with good intentions but power can corrupt. He was being dragged into unsavory activities and finally when faced with a dire situation, stuck to his principles and got out.
(Note from Della: We decided not to publish the upsetting and truly frightening details of Marlon's experience at this stage. Too raw and hurtful to print.)
During this time he met his future wife. She, too had faced adversity, losing her first husband in the resistance. Now 21, with a family, Marlon got refugee status from the UN and was given three options for his new home... Australia, Switzerland or Canada. He chose Canada because he thought if it did not work out he could always take a bus back home.
They moved around the province taking any job available while learning English. From making factory furniture for IKEA, to construction and janitorial work, he toiled away. He even drove a Mr. Frosty truck but did not make any money as he gave away too many of the treats to children. Eventually, he took up accounting and was able to develop a living through contract work. We met eleven years after he arrived in Canada.
His path was harsh but he never let it impact his relationship with those of us who have only known privilege. He has a generous, warm heart in spite of his painful journey.
I felt the context of Marlon's life would make his responses more meaningful.
What worked...
What one bit of communication impacted your life?
So many people impacted my life, particularly through the civil war making me think of who I was, what was important to me. A priest once said... never look at people just by what they say, take in the whole picture, including their actions. Some people may fool you, when their actions are different than their words.
What did not work...
What didn't work was being rigid about who I was and what I felt. Life taught me different. For example, I came from a predominantly Catholic country. I questioned my belief in God for a long time. Who I was or thought I was, was not true. We read cliche phrases such as "I am not the person I was yesterday" but we don't actually understand or believe it. My son has learned this lesson at 34. It took me 49 years to figure it out.
What if...
What advice would you give to your younger self to enhance your ability to communicate with others – and why?
One thing. My biggest challenge was to face how angry I was...at everybody about everything. I was not aware of my anger but finally confronted it when seeing a counsellor. We were taught we were worthless, we did not matter, we were flawed. I would tell my younger self, it is not your fault. The people who screwed you over to get what they wanted - that was their issue. You did not need to shut out your emotions.
Marlon wrapped up with a number of comments about his philosophy in life, his beliefs in justice, fairness and freedom. He shared how he feels when he sees people drug addicted and on the street, how he can see the pain in their eyes. I know he connects on a deep level. He detests extremes. He talked about listening well. As he said, "when you are discussing your ideas and trying to impose them on others, you are only listening to yourself". A big reader, he has uncovered deep knowledge throughout his life and it has led him to Buddhism. It has given his life meaning and direction. He is happy to share his experiences if they help others.
Thank you, Marlon.
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