Number 23 of 52 Lifelong Communication Lessons: Arranged marriage
June 08, 2015 |
| A protester, known as "Tank Man", stops a line of tanks in Tiananmen Square (1989). |
The year was 1989.
The Berlin Wall comes down, thousands occupy Tiananmen Square in Beijing, and the Exxon Valdez oil tanker spills 24,000 barrels of oil into Alaska's Prince William Sound... What a year. Locally, the old Georgia Medical-Dental building, built in 1929 on the corner of Georgia and Hornby Streets, was demolished by a controlled explosion.
We were hired to manage a series of forced mergers. Instability in the sector had created the need to couple up these organizations for cost efficiencies. To do less would have meant the demise of these small rural community institutions.
The nature of the businesses is not relevant to the story. Suffice to say these were locally built grass roots organizations. The forced amalgamation of two similar parties made sense but it was emotionally charged. The groups had been fierce competitors at one time. The key executives and board members were embarrassed by the lack of success.
It was a dicey situation. My colleague and I were sent in to make the transition as smooth as possible. The initial meetings with the group being absorbed by the merger were often colourful and loud. The anger they felt was easily directed toward us city folk. The winning organizations were always pumped and happy. We often had to guide them in not appearing like cats with canaries going down their throat.
One of the first gentlemen I met shouted his displeasure at me for a record 25 minutes. I distinctly remember tracking the time on my watch - subtly, of course. He had a military background and was accustomed to barking orders. In this scenario he was just barking. Once the noise subsided, I seized the opportunity to dampen his fire.
I used my CCO formula long before I knew it even existed. I showed compassion for the situation and recognized how difficult it was for everyone involved but moved quickly to conviction stating we must get this transition right for the sake of the staff and the customers. By this point, he was nodding in agreement. I could see him soften when I then expressed optimism for a more sustainable organization that would keep some legacy of the the history of both organizations. He went from bombastic to sweet in about 15 minutes. All of a sudden this gruff, red faced gorilla turned into a sweet old grandpa. Before you knew it, he was showing a sense of humour and we were moving on with the plans laid before us.
Letting him blow off steam was the only way he felt he could react. His ego was bruised and he had to face people in the community, knowing he had failed. I wish I knew then what I know now. At that time, it was expected you would "pull up your boot straps" and carry on. Today, we might have had more discussion about how to accept the failure and deal with feelings of vulnerability.
We worked well together over the ensuing days and the merger went off without a hitch. I remember saying goodbye to my fiery friend and thinking how small and dejected he looked as he walked to his car. While the transition was a success, I suspected he still felt like a failure. I was racing off for my flight home but that image of him stuck.
I wish I would have asked him for a coffee and missed my flight. I think he would have benefitted from some personal positioning and messaging to keep his community status intact. As I continued doing sensitive issue work over the years, I spent more time with the people involved. The human factor should always trump a travel schedule.
Communication Lessons:
- Zip that lip when people need to vent.
- Use the CCO (Compassion, Conviction, Optimism) whenever the need arises.
- You will never regret taking the time for someone in need.
Fast Forward to 2015:
Everyone should learn to count to ten before reacting. Any form of anger is far too public today. Think of Danielle Smith dissing a reporter.
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2 comments
I like how you have framed the situation, Della and used the CCO formula. Clearly, the capacity to listen first while providing compassion and empathy goes a long way to defusing a volatile situation. Thanks for reminding us of this important learning when engaging in issues management -- and life in general! Scott
ReplyDeleteSo true Scott....and I think you might remember the work we did at the time. We shared a lot of CCO.
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