Number 11 of 52 Lifelong Communication Lessons: Are you a square peg?
March 16, 2015 |
| Transpo 86 display tent on grounds. Copyright: City of Vancouver |
The year was 1982.
Michael
Jackson released Thriller. It was the first time an artificial heart was placed
in a human. The BC government announced Transpo 86, later to be named Expo 86 (I
still have one of the lighters they gave away).
The
movie Diner came out that year and was a surprise hit. It showcased a group of
young men transitioning into adulthood dealing with marriage, jobs and the
reality that their carefree youth was waning. Actors like Kevin Bacon, Mickey
Rourke and other notables accelerated their careers with this film.
While
it was an interesting portrayal of the evolution into another life stage, it
held a much more interesting study for me. It was really about the hierarchy of
men, something I desperately needed to learn. Already, I had experienced the
predominance of men in the business world and was finding it a bit confusing. I
was starting to figure out how I fit in this testosterone-laden environment but
the communication exchange among the gents was a mystery to me.
I
was working in an ad agency and would watch in amazement as the men joked,
belittled, brown-nosed and jockeyed for position. What the movie taught me was
that each guy had a role and they knew how they fit. There were classic roles -
a leader, a jokster, a big tough silent guy, a small but intelligent one, a
woman’s man, a quick talker, a financial whiz, the rebel and so on.
The
interplay was most evident in the meetings between the Creative Department and
the Account Team. The “creatives” were rebels and rogues, the rule breakers.
The account execs tended to be more conformists and had to work with the
clients to sell the creative concepts. The debates were often quite raucous.
Watching them try to trump each other using humour, aggression and other
techniques was a huge education. I recall a scenario where one of the rogues
shot a crossbow arrow into a plant to make his point. It was the talk of the
agency for months. Status among men is still a bit of a mystery to me. In the
movie, there is a guy who is the music guru who can tell you the flip side of
every record. Seemed to be a highly regarded talent.
To
fit in, I tried to develop a bit of a macho status and get my voice heard. Mostly
it just came out as snarky and angry. The problem was I did not blend easily
into their team. I think many preferred, at that time, to have women as
cheerleaders but not fully in the game.
When
I stopped trying to fit and created my own spot with my own rules, the
communication between us got much better. I rarely felt ostracized and was
happy to not play by their rules. However, understanding their interactions
made my life much easier.
Communication
lessons:
Understand
your audience…thoroughly. Find that learning in whatever source makes sense –
even movies.
Make
your own rules; don’t try to fit into that round hole if you are a square peg.
Always
find the method of communicating that is authentically you, nothing else really
works.
Fast
forward to 2015.
It appears to me that there is much less of a divide between the genders today. However, I wonder how far we have come
when we see the popularity of the “lean in” movement driven by Sheryl Sandberg.
Is this really the guidebook for women in business today?
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