Final Dining with Della: Della Smith Back at Miku
December 26, 2016
Jennifer Davies is guest hosting my final blog in this 2016 series. When I interviewed her in July she said she wanted to write the last one about me. Eek, now I know how the rest of you felt.
I still have a lot of people on my list I would love to interview but this series has been particularly fattening... adding 52 lunches to my already busy dining out lifestyle has impacted my waistline. My New Year's resolution is to add 52 new exercise days!
To all the people who participated, thank you so much. Your generosity in sharing personal communications success and failures has helped others. I know the blog has had a positive impact by the many anecdotal comments and emails. I will have a new theme in 2017 but more on that January 2nd.
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A
friend and mentor, Della has inspired me since the day I first met her. Della
is kind, brave, intuitive, warm, and tough-minded. She has been through her
share of struggles, but is always the first to lend a hand and offer support
when she sees others going through tough times.
Throughout my years in business, her voice often rings in my head when I
am at a crossroads. And in my personal life, I think of her kindness and her
contagious and delightful laugh – and I always brighten up!
So,
when I had the chance to interview her for her own series, I was thrilled. It
is one thing to trust another person, it is another incredibly wonderful thing
to be trusted right back.
At
the same location where she started this series in January 2016 – Miku
Restaurant – and where the kimono first was opened by Della herself, here is
how our chat went…
(Note
from Jen: what I found particularly funny was that we both showed up with notes
- organized, typed notes with highlights throughout the pages – we laughed
heartily like two peas in a pod over this.)
What worked...
What one bit of communication impacted your life?
Doing this series
has impacted me so much. One of the things I want to do more of is the asking
of more in-depth questions when I am talking with people. Throughout this
series, there were so many surprising and enlightening moments. It got me
thinking that maybe I am not taking the questions to the next stage – and I
really want to work on that.
I felt like
people shared so much with me, they’ve all had lessons for me, and I want to have
that level of discussion all the time. That has been the most powerful thing -
people really shared their vulnerabilities with me.
As a result,
this blog has been one of my most pivotal learnings in the last year. I want to
learn more about asking questions.
It is so
amazing what you learn about people when you take the time to ask questions and
get a little deeper.
(Note from Jen:
Della is so great at this already, I don’t think she realizes how easy it is to
open up to her. She’s a great and thoughtful listener.)
What did not work...
At Q, we are really
not good at selling, or cross-selling. We had a long-time client tell us about a
piece of work they had hired someone else to do. And it was something we do
well, and often.
It was an
enlightening moment for us. We are so uncomfortable selling or cross-selling that we rarely do it. We see others do it all the time and even that makes us cringe.
But we look around and see that no-one else is bothered by it and we are missing
out on some great opportunities. We would have loved to have done that work for our client who had no idea that we did that type of work. We have to find a way to do
it that is comfortable for us.
My whole
reason for doing the blog is to help people communicate better. Sharing ideas
and information. So I guess I sell in a subtle way, but I would like to get
better at it.
What if...
What advice would you give to your younger self to enhance your ability to communicate with others – and why?
Don’t worry so much. I am
really anxious about the people I love in my life. I worry and with that worry
comes a need to control. I’m a fixer, a protector.
A great example of this is
when I went to Indiana with my brother do Rock Steady Boxing – a program for
people with Parkinsons’. My brother has had Parkinsons’ for about 14 years and
wanted to try out this program - due to its intensity, it actually lessens and
can stop the symptoms. Amazing. What was most difficult for me during the
program was that we were told “If they fall, leave them on the ground, that’s
the best place for them”. I just don’t have that in my bones. I just find that
so difficult. But, over two 12-hour days, I watched my brother acing everything,
and many others too. The program refers to the loved ones of people with
Parkinsons’ not as caregivers, but as care partners. Excellent point.
But it reminded me something
about myself – I don’t have that capability to just let things happen to
others.
I try to avoid the fall. I
have done that my whole career – crisis communications has been a big part of
my work, which is all about avoiding and mitigating risk.
My constant worrying is
what makes me skilled at all the thinking, planning and preparing for everything
that could go wrong, and then heading it off.
Opening up about how I feel
about that worry and how it impacts my communications is a key thing for me
now. I am trying to be more mindful about how I approach situations. Expressing
my own vulnerability and that I am worried and wanting to just step in a fix
things - and sharing that I am feeling that way – is a key part in changing the
dialogue with people. And once I do talk about it, the worry lessens. I just
need to let it out.
(Note from Jen: To Della’s point that
everyone she interviewed in this series surprised her in some way, this worry/control
thing surprised me about her. Della always seems relaxed, confident, and so
comfortable to me – I’ve never thought of her as the worrying type. I look
forward to hearing how this journey of hers goes.)
(Note from Jen: I
added a “Bonus Round” of questions for Della…)
What is your key takeaway or and/or learning moment from the past year of your Dining with Della series?
I
was surprised by how open people were to sharing their stories – or “opening
the kimono” as I had tagged this series at the start of 2016. Noting that
everyone has something to offer, to share, to contribute, and that we are all
going through so much in our lives.
So
many people commented that they don’t take enough risks, and that they regretted
the things they didn’t say or do, versus what they did say or do. That was
quite telling.
A
very real learning moment for me doing this series is recognizing that everyone
has so much going on in their lives and that you never really know what people
are dealing with day to day. What totally surprised me was some of the things
people shared about what they experience that I didn’t know – and I only met
with people I know well!
Sharing
is healthy and good and we need to do more of it in this world. Recognize
everyone has stuff going on – good and bad. People often run away from the
uncomfortable, rather than run toward it. We need to pay closer attention and
ask more questions.
(Note from Jen: I’m not sure Della realizes it takes a pretty special
person to have dozens of people open up to her, whether through this series or
through her facilitation and her workshops. I treasure her friendship and her
huge heart.)
Any teasers from your 2017 series?
Given how much people have
shared about what is happening in their lives over this past year, 2017 looks
like an opportunity to deconstruct…
(Note from Jen: As ever, so much fun to be had catching up with a dear
friend, and certainly a multi-year mentor of mine. Here’s to whatever Della
brings to us in 2017!)
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