Dining with Della: Nancy Gabrielse
March 21, 2016
Since Nancy lives on a farm, we decided on the old fashioned,
low-tech version of connecting – a telephone call. We sipped our tea together,
me to the dull roar of traffic in my Chinatown office and her to the restful
sounds of nature.
Nancy and her husband, Owen are organic farmers living in Grand
Forks, B.C. Their beautiful acreage backs on to the Kettle Valley River, and
their farm is appropriately named the Kettle River Farm. I had the distinct
pleasure of sipping a cold one on the riverbank there, one hot sunny afternoon.
On the other side of the river, up the embankment is a Doukhobor graveyard. The
day of our visit we could hear the distant sounds of old-world singing as a
service was being held. It is a magical place.
The river supports their whole farm as well as a host of
wildlife in the area. When they started the farm in 2000, I recall the lengths
they went to for organic certification. Today, their products are such high
quality that they don't have to do any marketing. The local buyers want local, top-notch
fruits and vegetables and are willing to pay when they know the source is so
great.
Helping tend to the crops are their three children, son
Liam and twin daughters, Clare and Ivy.
What worked...
What one bit of communication impacted your life?
Nancy was fast to say her previous work in the PR industry had a
big impact on how she viewed the world. The need to communicate something
positive was ironic to her. She mentioned Mohawk Oil billing itself as “Mother
Nature's Fuel”, and while their ethanol product may have been slightly less
impactful on the environment, she felt the tag line was laughable. In her opinion, it
was certainly not worthy of the “Mother Nature” handle.
She is frustrated by a corporate world that lays people off even
when they are making money because they care more about shareholder returns.
"Living out in the boonies" she talks about the challenges of small
communities torn between wanting to attract industry to support employment or
finding alternate ways to keep their town sustainable. Perceptions about a
dwindling population cause concerns when often it is just a demographic shift.
Nancy kept hearing about a decreasing population so she looked it up and sure
enough, Grand Forks has been home to around 4,000 people for a very long time. There may not be
as many kids, and retirees may be increasing, but the overall the population
number is staying the same.
Going from the anonymity of city life to a smaller community
also had an impact on Nancy. It does not take long, when you have children and
are involved in non-profit work, to become known and get to know the familiar
faces. It has taken time for her to find the right balance when popping into the
grocery store quickly and not feeling like you need to stop and chat just
because you know someone. On the flip side, Nancy sees how people in the city
can look so grim and rushed while shopping and how it’s refreshing to see
smiling faces while shopping local in Grand Forks.
Nancy had another prime example of a pivotal communication time
in her life. She joined a non-profit group full of idealistic optimism and thought they
could shoot for unanimity. As she notes, if you want to make changes in a small
town, you get involved and do it. She chaired her first meeting and was totally
invigorated. It was great for a few months, then the difficult meetings started
with divided opinions and seemingly insurmountable issues. Alliances form and politics ensue but
ultimately "you have to be the change, you want." Nancy struggles
with having to disagree with people she really likes but she is firm in her
convictions around healthy food and environments for the children.
As she discussed the challenges with her good friend, Mardi from
Kelowna, she was reminded Mardi's grandmother often quoted the line, “Those
who matter don't mind and those who mind, don't matter.” Sometimes, you just
need a built-in ignore button.
What did not work...
(Note from Della: Nancy needed more time
to think on this question so she followed up with an email… a perfect
illustration of when to bite your tongue –in her own words)
I thought about “What didn’t work” a bit (actually there’s a lot
of fodder there) but in a nutshell, it’s “over-communicating” that has caused
me the most grief. I’ve realized that many times it’s better just to say what
you need to say without embellishment.
A case in point: When Owen and I were travelling in Mexico
together near the border of Guatemala, our bus was stopped. We all sat in our
seats as Mexican army officers came onto the bus checking passports. Owen
showed his passport, I showed mine and then I asked - "do you need to see
my tourist card?” I had kept this nondescript little piece of paper that
had been handed to me at customs on the way into Mexico, stuffed into my passport.
Owen had tossed his instantly, thinking it was unnecessary after getting through
customs. The army guy looked at my bit of paper and then, back to Owen, and asked
him to show his “tourist card”. When Owen couldn’t produce his, he was hustled
off the bus and interrogated by three armed military guys holding machine guns.
I sat, sweating bullets in my seat and when he didn’t come back on, I went to
see if I could clear anything up. Needless to say, under the stressful
circumstances our Spanish wasn’t at its best but somehow we managed to convince
them we were legitimate travellers, had plane tickets home, were
travelling together etc. etc.
So…adding extra information can be a very tricky thing whether
in the public sphere, to your kids, at PAC (parent advisory council) meetings,
border crossings - you name it. It’s funny to think that even regular folks
have to package their message. It’s worth it to think your words through
carefully - no matter how obvious and right they may seem, pausing gives you
the chance to be much more effective, concise, diplomatic. This is why I prefer
writing to speaking in a lot of cases. I’m much better at saying just what
needs to be said, or being diplomatic when I slow down.
What if...
What advice would you give to your younger self to enhance your ability to communicate with others – and why?
Take risks. Don't put up with not taking jumps to try
things.
(Note from Della: I think she has mastered taking risks by
moving from the city to a farm!)
Work on not thinking negatively, even though when you plan for
the worst you are often pleasantly surprised.
Be less of a dweller and move on faster.
She notes how her kids constantly amaze her, as they seem so
much wiser than she was at their age.
(Note from Della: Hmmm… that might have something to do with
great parenting)
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