Number 4 of 52 Compelling Communicators: Grace Shyng
January 28, 2013
I first met Grace Shyng through a media training session for the Western Institute for the Deaf. I was so impressed with her communication style that I contacted her when my Mom needed some hearing support. Grace creates a calm and safe environment instantly. Her clear voice and compassion make her uber compelling. Her parents gave her the right name - she personifies grace and elegance in her communications.
How would you describe yourself as a child?Somewhere between shy and outgoing.
What helped you become a good communicator?
- Books - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; Repetition in Spoken Discourse
- School - UBC School of Audiology and Speech Sciences - training as an Audiologist taught me a lot about being a good communicator.
- Observing Others - Lecturers at various conferences; other professionals
- Other - Della Smith - media training workshop!
- School - UBC School of Audiology and Speech Sciences - training as an Audiologist taught me a lot about being a good communicator.
- Observing Others - Lecturers at various conferences; other professionals
- Other - Della Smith - media training workshop!
What are the traits of a good communicator?
Be a good listener first. Know your audience and cater your language, demeanor, body language to that audience. Good communicators are also good at adjusting their tone and language depending on the topic (is it a serious topic, trivial?) and how familiar the audience is to the topic and to the communicator. For example, a good communicator may need to adjust their speaking style depending on if the audience is young, old, female, male, familiar with the speaker or not familiar, friend or a colleague. etc. This all ties in with good listening - good communication stems from good observation of the person on the other end of the conversation.
What tip or advice would you give to help people become better communicators?
Be present. Be engaged. Be an empathetic listener. Observe the other person's verbal and non-verbal body language, particularly their eyes (another good reason to make good eye contact!). As you speak, look for cues to ensure they are truly understanding what you are saying. Do they look distracted, glassy eyed, bored, disinterested? Or do they hold your gaze, their face is animated, are they smiling at the right times?
Many people, especially those with potential hearing loss, can bluff or pretend to hear. They can often give a "tag response" like an "uh huh" and nod their head as if they are comprehending, but they are not. As you speak, ask a question to see if they are following you or understanding you. If they change the topic, or redirect the question, then they may not listening because they are not interested in what you have to say, they are distracted or they didn't hear what you just said. If that happens, don't blame the listener, especially if you think they have hearing loss. Be accountable and take steps to ensure you are being heard (e.g. no mumbling, clear speech, good eye contact, use gestures).
Communication is always two-way, 50/50. The speaker has an equal responsibility to ensure they are being heard, just as the listener has an equal responsibility to be an engaged listener.
Many people, especially those with potential hearing loss, can bluff or pretend to hear. They can often give a "tag response" like an "uh huh" and nod their head as if they are comprehending, but they are not. As you speak, ask a question to see if they are following you or understanding you. If they change the topic, or redirect the question, then they may not listening because they are not interested in what you have to say, they are distracted or they didn't hear what you just said. If that happens, don't blame the listener, especially if you think they have hearing loss. Be accountable and take steps to ensure you are being heard (e.g. no mumbling, clear speech, good eye contact, use gestures).
Communication is always two-way, 50/50. The speaker has an equal responsibility to ensure they are being heard, just as the listener has an equal responsibility to be an engaged listener.
What is your biggest communication related pet peeve?
Oh dear, I have so many and they are all big! This will depend on the type of communicative situation.
If it's a lecture, a pet peeve of mine is people who talk in monotone without pause and do not take time to engage the audience, or they choose to read out every single slide. I would prefer if the lecturer added comments to each slide as they go along, rather than simply read it out to me verbatim, If it's a conversation, it's annoying when people "hold the floor" for a long time and do not reciprocate by asking others for their opinion or how others are doing.
I also think 'mumbling' should be prohibited in public society. This was not a problem 50 to 60 years ago, because my senior clients do not mumble as they practiced elocution skills in school. Schools today do not have "elocution skills" as school subject, unless it's for a specific public speaking event. Today's society loves to mumble, and this makes it especially difficult for people who are hard of hearing.
Also, there is not enough eye contact.
Finally, (sorry to ramble, but I realize I can hold the floor here), movies and television programs are all filmed with people talking all over each other. In older films, there was a lot of turn taking, so it was easier to follow a conversation. Turn on any current news program, TV show, movie, and most dialogue is on top of each other. This is a reflection of how we speak in our society today, which is really unfortunate. This makes it more difficult for elderly and hard of hearing people to follow conversations.
If it's a lecture, a pet peeve of mine is people who talk in monotone without pause and do not take time to engage the audience, or they choose to read out every single slide. I would prefer if the lecturer added comments to each slide as they go along, rather than simply read it out to me verbatim, If it's a conversation, it's annoying when people "hold the floor" for a long time and do not reciprocate by asking others for their opinion or how others are doing.
I also think 'mumbling' should be prohibited in public society. This was not a problem 50 to 60 years ago, because my senior clients do not mumble as they practiced elocution skills in school. Schools today do not have "elocution skills" as school subject, unless it's for a specific public speaking event. Today's society loves to mumble, and this makes it especially difficult for people who are hard of hearing.
Also, there is not enough eye contact.
Finally, (sorry to ramble, but I realize I can hold the floor here), movies and television programs are all filmed with people talking all over each other. In older films, there was a lot of turn taking, so it was easier to follow a conversation. Turn on any current news program, TV show, movie, and most dialogue is on top of each other. This is a reflection of how we speak in our society today, which is really unfortunate. This makes it more difficult for elderly and hard of hearing people to follow conversations.
Who do you think is a famous compelling communicator? And, what makes him or her compelling?
Maya Angelou, Dr. Gabor Mate, Oprah. They can all tell great stories, add pauses when appropriate so that the audience can absorb what they are saying. They use eye contact, gestures, animation, expressive tone effectively. They can engage the audience without ever having to actually speak to an audience member.
Please share a communications story (good or bad) that will be beneficial for others.
After the hearing test, I spoke to the man alone. I explained the hearing test results and the negative impact of hearing loss, including isolation and feelings of depression. I concurred with him that too many people mumble, and that if everyone spoke clearly and made eye contact, it would solve the majority of communication issues we observe now. I asked him what he thought about it all and I just let him talk and vent his frustrations. I assured him I was there to help but only if he wanted it. I was not going to force him to get a hearing aid even if his family wanted it. By gaining his trust and truly empathizing with his situation, he realized I was really on "his" side. When his daughter returned, I explained the results to her (in his presence) and I said while I recommended hearing aids, we would only start when he felt ready.
From that point on, I had gained his trust, and he eventually returned and trialed aids successfully. He went from a grouchy disengaged person to one that would often crack jokes with me in our appointments. Sometimes, after we finished checking the aids, we would just talk about anything at our appointments (his grandkids, his political views, etc). He always said he enjoyed coming here because it didn't require a lot of effort to communicate with me.
When speaking to clients, I ensure I speak clearly, at a normal rate and loudness and directly to them, with eye contact. This significantly reduces the amount of listening effort required by the listener, so that they can relax, and utilize their other cognitive functions (like working memory) more efficiently. They ultimately enjoy communicating so much more when they are in this state.
Grace Shyng, Head Audiologist at the Western Institute for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. She specializes in hearing assessments, hearing aid fittings and aural rehabilitation, particularly for seniors.
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