Number 46: Decision Dilemmas.
November 12, 2012
"Chocolate, vanilla or strawberry?" Decisions, decisions.
Having good decision-making processes is an essential part of communicating. Many bad decisions happened through rotten processes or lack of processes. I know of people who undermine group brainstorming or consensus building and it comes back to bite them in the butt.
On the other hand, there are times when coming to consensus is virtually impossible and can stall any kind of decision while immobilizing people and organizations for long periods of time. I think it is safe to say that in the home environment if one person makes all the decisions, there is little hope for synergy or input. It also leaves the person in charge with all the responsibility. I had lunch with a friend who is a mother of adult children who are still completely dependant upon her. She knows the error of her ways as she tried to protect them from harm and has left them incapable of looking after even the most basic tasks themselves. She still makes all their travel arrangements to this day and they complain to her if they miss a flight. Yikes.
Here are some processes to consider:
Consensus
Full consensus is rare but majority consensus makes a big difference on the important issues, especially when having everyone on the same page matters. The commitment is strong if everybody has a say, even if they don’t get everything they want.
Compromise
When people compromise or vote there are always winners and losers and it can divide the group.
Obviously, there are other ways people come to decisions such as majority rules or by delegating to a working group or individual. Then, there are the times when you come to an immediate decision. Some people feel the best decisions are the spur of the moment, full agreement type but that is usually over something not that important or easier to manage. At times, the decision is made too fast and could have benefited from more discussion.
The worst case is getting input and then not using it. This happens in lots of planning processes and people start to get “consultation fatigue.” Better to not do it than raise expectations and fail to deliver.
I have been using opinion meters for years as one of the most effective ways to get people to arrive at decisions together. They are anonymous so people are not influenced by the dominant people in the room. Unfortunately, opinion meters are too costly for most people to use in their daily encounters so here are some tips for deciding the best way to communicate and determine the best decision making processes.
1. Give it some thought. Don’t just rush into decisions; get some feedback but if you do, be really open to the input you receive. Be careful what you ask for — do you really want feedback on questions like whether you should get married? Some decisions are for you and you alone.
2. Tailor your process. Just because you saw someone using sticky notes to try to determine priorities, don’t think you will really get the most important things rising to the top. People are influenced by popularity. Listing pros and cons can be way more helpful.
3. Offer contingencies. If you end up voting to make decisions, and I know some families who do, think through the consequence for the losers. If everybody votes to go sailing versus snorkeling while you are on vacation, can the person who loses get to select the location for lunch?
4. Recognize good results take time. Consensus-building can be the most effective for long-term decisions and it requires collaboration, a system to get you there, participation from all involved and some special communications skills to facilitate getting there.
5. Emergencies are different. If there is a problem, fast decision-making can mean the difference between life and death. One of the communication gems I learned taking a first aid course was to point to the person you want to call 911 when there is a problem. If you just yell, "Call 911" people tend to just look around at each other wondering who should call. Be decisive in those moments.
I don’t use the style of decision-making described by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Blink. I tend not to make instant judgments but I have friends who do and are often correct. I prefer the “Think” style described by Michael R. LeGault in Think: Why Crucial Decisions Can't Be Made in the Blink of an Eye. I spend at least two or three hours preparing for every one hour of a meeting if there is a need to get to a decision by a majority. I strategize about objections people may have, the distractions that might impact their decisions and even whether they are comfortable in the room. Decisions are to communications as ballet is to walking down the street. They are usually highly choreographed and can only turn out well with lots of hard work. They can be a thing of beauty when done well.
If you want more on this subject, check out Johah Lehrer’s blog. He wrote How We Decide and now is a contributing editor at Wired writing on matters of how we think and why. It is a bit sciency but fascinating.
How do you make decisions with your business colleagues or with friends and family members? Love to hear about good methods that work.
Facilitating will be the topic of the next post. The Art and Philosophy of Facilitating.
The worst case is getting input and then not using it. This happens in lots of planning processes and people start to get “consultation fatigue.” Better to not do it than raise expectations and fail to deliver.
I have been using opinion meters for years as one of the most effective ways to get people to arrive at decisions together. They are anonymous so people are not influenced by the dominant people in the room. Unfortunately, opinion meters are too costly for most people to use in their daily encounters so here are some tips for deciding the best way to communicate and determine the best decision making processes.
1. Give it some thought. Don’t just rush into decisions; get some feedback but if you do, be really open to the input you receive. Be careful what you ask for — do you really want feedback on questions like whether you should get married? Some decisions are for you and you alone.
2. Tailor your process. Just because you saw someone using sticky notes to try to determine priorities, don’t think you will really get the most important things rising to the top. People are influenced by popularity. Listing pros and cons can be way more helpful.
3. Offer contingencies. If you end up voting to make decisions, and I know some families who do, think through the consequence for the losers. If everybody votes to go sailing versus snorkeling while you are on vacation, can the person who loses get to select the location for lunch?
4. Recognize good results take time. Consensus-building can be the most effective for long-term decisions and it requires collaboration, a system to get you there, participation from all involved and some special communications skills to facilitate getting there.
5. Emergencies are different. If there is a problem, fast decision-making can mean the difference between life and death. One of the communication gems I learned taking a first aid course was to point to the person you want to call 911 when there is a problem. If you just yell, "Call 911" people tend to just look around at each other wondering who should call. Be decisive in those moments.
I don’t use the style of decision-making described by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Blink. I tend not to make instant judgments but I have friends who do and are often correct. I prefer the “Think” style described by Michael R. LeGault in Think: Why Crucial Decisions Can't Be Made in the Blink of an Eye. I spend at least two or three hours preparing for every one hour of a meeting if there is a need to get to a decision by a majority. I strategize about objections people may have, the distractions that might impact their decisions and even whether they are comfortable in the room. Decisions are to communications as ballet is to walking down the street. They are usually highly choreographed and can only turn out well with lots of hard work. They can be a thing of beauty when done well.
If you want more on this subject, check out Johah Lehrer’s blog. He wrote How We Decide and now is a contributing editor at Wired writing on matters of how we think and why. It is a bit sciency but fascinating.
How do you make decisions with your business colleagues or with friends and family members? Love to hear about good methods that work.
Facilitating will be the topic of the next post. The Art and Philosophy of Facilitating.
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