Whatever happened to “sorry”? It seems to have lost all impact. Saying you are sorry feels trite and, in Canada at least, has become a commonplace exchange in the most trivial of circumstances. Open a door or come around a corner, and before you even bump into someone they are apologizing. Sorry, oh, no, I’m sorry, oh no, excuse me. Whoa. There is such a thing as overdoing it.

But compelling communicators know that apologies are an important way to move through a sticky situation and start getting back on the right track with people. The problem is, in the big disasters and crises, the lawyers don’t want people to apologize as that is akin to admitting fault and could bring law suits. I have fought many a “communications” battle with members of that profession and, darn it, sometimes people are in the wrong and should apologize profusely, no matter what the cost. One of the best lines I ever heard was from a corporate executive who came out to meet the press and said, “My lawyer told me not to say I am sorry as it might get us into law suits, but I am so devastated that this has happened in our company, I have to apologize. This should never have happened.” While I am not advocating for you to open yourself up to a lawsuit, you must show you care. There are hundreds of ways to apologize sincerely without fear of litigation. Here are some sample apologies that won’t get you in trouble with the law:

Scenario:

Someone claims a person you work with has slandered him publicly.

“No one would ever want to be treated in a way that made him feel disrespected. To deal with this appropriately, I will need to talk to her, and then take any steps necessary to deal with this situation. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.”

(No liability, no admission of fault, but empathy for how the person feels.)

Sincerity is the key ingredient in apologies. I have heard more half-baked excuses that sound like a blame-game than a meaningful request for forgiveness. And, it is not even about forgiveness in some cases; it is just an admission of wrong-doing. The lamest method of apologizing these days is the politician who says he “misspoke.” What the heck is misspeaking? You made a mistake. Admit it and take your lumps.

We all make mistakes, which is the nature of being human. It is what we do about them that sets us apart.

I was recently in a meeting where someone said they “misremembered” something. And then there are those of us with reverse Alzheimer’s whereby we remember things that never happened. It really is okay to make mistakes and virtually impossible to go through life without making a few. Unfortunately, we cannot simply press “undo” and get rid of the problem — we have to communicate our way out. Usually that means apologizing, learning from the error and moving on. Part of crisis or sensitive-issue planning involves a “rebuild” stage. If your personal brand/reputation is eroded by a mistake, you need to demonstrate (show, don’t tell) how you have changed or learned from the experience.

My sister’s neighbour had two little girls who seemed to be constantly at odds, as sisters often can be. The older one was forever in trouble for doing something to the younger one. It became a source of amusement for my sis to hear this little one heading home through their communal backyard day after day, yelling out, “Sooorrry” in a big, sing-song voice. Obviously this tiny one had learned the word but was not changing her ways. Let’s hope they have worked it out by now but I have a sneaking suspicion this pattern might have been set for life

Celebrities, politicians and sports stars are famous for the comeback after high profile personal disasters, but some never recover. Think through the ones you know and deconstruct how they made you feel with their apology and then how their actions that followed either won you back or turned you off. We will get to “deconstructs” in a blog down the road.

We cannot predict when or how we will make a boo-boo, but we can prepare for it from a communication perspective. In my crisis work, we often spend hours thinking of all the things that could go wrong for companies and preparing positioning and messages for them, but there are always those oddball scenarios none of us could have imagined.

The ultimate way to prepare for turning mistakes around (or at the very least, making them go away quickly) is to have a set of values. Companies spend a lot of time creating corporate values that hang in picture frames prominently displayed in the offices or on their websites. Some live up to them, some don’t. Creating and knowing your personal values will help you weather any storm. Next week, we will delve into this area with the post; This is no Time for an Ad.